In My Own Twisted Way
by uneducatedwriter
Summary: In which Shelly Marsh shows that she truly does care for her stupid turd brother and his friends... Warning: some swearing.


It was safe to say that there wasn't anyone who Shelly Marsh despised more than her little brother and his stupid friends. Ever since she first met the other three turds, she'd treated them like shit from day one. Sure, Stan was the biggest turd out of all four of them, that definitely wasn't going to change. But she hated them all equally, and was sure to show it every single time they visited the Marsh household. She often took pleasure in beating the crap out of all the little asshole friends of her brother, mostly because she knew that there wasn't anyone else to do the same to them in their own lives (she _especially_ loved beating up the fat turd since he was an only child... and a total asshole).

Shelly loved seeing the fear in their eyes every time they walked through the front door of the Marsh household.

Today was no exception. She loved it when the Jew Turd instantly grabbed her little brother's arm in fright at the sight of her, and how even the asshole Fat Turd seemed to look worried for a second, before he tried to cover up the fact that he truly was scared himself, he just didn't show it. The fourth turd, Kenny, didn't seem to react at all, which pissed her off even more.

Shelly towered over the fourth graders. "You assholes are late," she spat through her headgear.

Stan stared up at her with wide, frightened eyes. "W-we got held back by some b-I mean our teacher. P-please don't kick our asses today Shelly, we're sorry we were late, w-we j-just..." but Stan knew it was no use.

Shelly smiled. It was one of the few times where she felt genuinely happy for once... when she got the first pick of the litter.

She teasingly looked over all four of the stupid fourth graders, eyeing them up in turn.

"Hmmm, let's start with..." Shelly stared at her little brother, who looked so scared and shaken up at the thought of being her first victim of the day, she quickly moved towards the Jew Turd and grabbed him by the collar.

"You." Shelly growled into the Jew's face. She expected Kyle to put up at least some kind of fight before being dragged off outside so she could beat him up. But nothing like that ever came, surprisingly.

"Fine. Let's just get this over with," Kyle muttered, not seeming to care that he was about to be pummelled.

Shelly frowned slightly at his response.  
Something was definitely off with the Jew Turd today.

And, for some reason, she felt compelled to find out what.

* * *

Later that afternoon, after Shelly had finished beating up her stupid little brother and his friends, she was finishing off her homework in her bedroom when she decided to go downstairs to the kitchen and look for a snack.

Her brother was not in his room as she walked past, she noted that it was still messy even after their parents had told him to clean it last week. She reminded herself to mention this to her mum when she came home from work later. Nothing lifted her spirits more than ratting out her stupid brother.

Just as she was about to enter the kitchen, she stopped.

"-and then he just kept on beating the shit out of me before you guys showed up. Luckily you came otherwise I'd have been dead," it was the Jew Turd talking.

This definitely seemed interesting. She decided to stay hidden and listen in on the stupid turd's conversation.

"Jesus Christ dude. You should really tell a teacher about this, it kind of seems like out of our reach," Stan replied. Shelly rolled her eyes at her brother's comment. He could be such a dumb-ass sometimes.

"Yeah, and then you'll get shit on by Tony McBrior even more," the Fat Turd added.  
Shelly raised an eyebrow. That name definitely rang a bell.

She heard some kind of muffled talking, which she could never understand. This was Kenny the Poor Loser obviously trying to add his lame opinion.

So someone was crapping on the Jew Turd. Shelly almost felt bad for beating Kyle up today... _almost_.

As she heard silence in the kitchen, Shelly marked this as her opportunity to walk in.

The four boys jumped both in fright and surprise. "W-what are you doing here, Shelly?" Stan asked his sister.

Shelly simply smiled at the frightened expressions on each of their faces... well, except for Cartman, who just glared at her. "What's it to you, Turds?" she replied as she walked over to the cupboard above the sink and grabbed a granola bar from the shelf.

"Y-you didn't happen to hear anything we were saying, by any chance... did you?" Jew Turd asked. She noticed the quiver in his voice as he spoke.

"Not a single word," Shelly lied, smiling at the four boys as she walked out of the kitchen.

When she was out of sight, she heard her brother say, "Oh _no_..."

Shelly couldn't help but grin.

* * *

The next day, Shelly went about her classes as usual.

She pissed off her teachers by purposefully not paying attention a few times, and threatened her classmates who dared try to talk about her behind her back... she could safely say there was nothing unusual about her day so far.

Except one thing was constantly nagging her in the back of her mind.

Tony McBrior.

She figured out where she knew Tony from-he was the older brother of one of the kids in her own grade, Michael McBrior.

Shelly knew she shouldn't care. She shouldn't care if one of her brother's stupid loser friends were being shit on by someone older than them, someone they barely even knew. She shouldn't care that this Tony McBrior thought he had the right to beat on Jew Turd, who she never really cared for all that much.

Shelly knew, deep down, she wouldn't dare let anyone else beat on her stupid brother...so why was she even _bothered_ about the fact that the helpless Jew didn't have someone to defend him from a shithead like McBrior?

Shelly guessed this was the reason why she found herself waiting outside her classroom later that day after lunch. She leaned against the wall next to the door leading into the room, watching the students walk past her talking about who knows what...not that she really cared for any of them at all.

"...and then it went like totally out of control, dude... you should've been there!"

Bingo.

Michael McBrior was just about to walk into their last lesson for the day-english, when Shelly Marsh put out her arm to stop him and his friend Patrick walking inside the classroom.

"Dude, what the hell Marsh?" Michael snapped at her. They definitely weren't friends.

"I need to talk to you. Piss off, Johnson," Shelly snapped at Patrick, who quickly walked in the classroom, knowing her tough reputation in the school.

"I hear your turd of a brother is beating the shit out of Kyle Broflovski," she said, getting quickly to the point.

Michael looked at her, his face stretched into a thin smile at her words. "Oh, ya heard about that, did you?"

 _The smug little bastard..._

"Yeah. I need you to tell him to stop," Shelly glared at Michael.

Michael stared at her for a moment. "Stop what?"

"Stop beating up Broflovski. Tell Tony he's off limits," Shelly replied, getting angrier by the minute.

"Why do you give a shit about who my brother chooses to bully? Why do you give a shit if it happens to be Broflovski?" Michael had a point, though Shelly didn't dare admit that.

"Because, this is why," and Shelly punched him square in the face. Michael cried out in pain, clutching his nose as he fell backwards on the floor. The other kids from the classroom had all rushed to the door and saw what happened.

Unfortunately, so did their teacher, just as he was arriving a few minutes late after the bell rung.

"Shelly Marsh! How _dare_ you hit another student! Detention today, after school."

Shelly glared down at Michael. "You can tell your _dear_ older brother that he'll get his," she snarled at the boy on the floor.

He could count on it.

* * *

English went by quickly. Throughout the entire class Shelly was not focussing on reading Lord of the Flies like they were supposed to, all that was on her mind was how she was going to get back at Tony McBrior for what he was doing to Kyle... not that she cared.

Much.

Why _did_ she care? Shelly wondered that all through their teacher's droning lecture about how Ralph represented law and order while Jack represented savagery, why did she seem to suddenly feel the need to protect the innocent Jew Turd from a bully like Tony McBrior?

Sure, they had never exactly become _friends_ or even acquaintances over the past few years they'd known each other, but it wasn't like she'd even try to make the effort to get to know the little shit before.

She realised, as she thought about it more and more, that he was exactly like Stan.

He annoyed her just by being around her almost every single day, he said stupid shit that pissed her off to no end, and he made a point to make some kind of useless remark about her headgear (which he knew, just like Stan did, that she was actually extremely sensitive about it) each time he saw her.

For some reason, they seemed to _all_ have at least _some_ kind of mutual understanding through all the shit Shelly put Kyle, Stan, Kenny and Cartman through, yet they always managed to put up with each other in the end.

Shelly Marsh decided, that Kyle Broflovski, the stupid Jew Turd, was indeed exactly like Stan, her little brother.

In a way, they were all on the same level as Stan.

They were all brothers.

And she knew for a fact that _no one messed with her little brothers and got away with it._

* * *

When the bell finally rung for the end of the day, Shelly was the first one to rush out the door, but her teacher stopped her before she could even set one foot outside the classroom.

"Marsh, where do you think you're going, you have detention, remember?" her teacher oh-so pleasantly reminded her.

 _Damn._ She sighed as she waited for a while until everyone else left. She needed to get out so she could find Tony before he found Kyle.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Shelly asked her teacher, who just simply nodded and she rushed outside into the empty school hallway, glanced behind her to make sure her teacher wasn't looking, and ran out of the school building.

 _Now to find Tony._

* * *

"Don't worry Kyle, Tony won't attack you if we're around," Stan reassured his worried best friend as the main four walked home together.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Cartman said gleefully, and Stan glared at him from over Kenny's head.

"Don't be such an asshole, Cartman," Stan cut in, glaring at the fatass that was (supposedly) their friend.

Kenny muffled something that sounded accusatory like, "yeah, Cartman."  
"Whatever, you guys."

The four friends were approaching Stan's house, but suddenly Kyle felt like he had the wind knocked out of him from a blow from behind and fell face forward into the snowy ground below.

Stan, Cartman and Kenny all turned around to see the grinning evil face of Tony McBrior.

Stan helped Kyle up and glared at McBrior, who simply smirked at the boys. "What do _you_ want, Tony?" Stan said coldly.

Tony took a step towards them, glaring at the four boys menacingly. "I think you know what I want... and it's not just Kyle this time, either."

Kyle looked apologetically at his friends, he didn't mean to drag them into his mess too.

In a very Shelly-like manner, Tony looked at each one of the four boys in turn, before saying while cracking his knuckles, "Now, who wants to go first?"

Before any of them could react, however, another person suddenly appeared behind Tony.

"Hey, turd face!"

"Shelly!" Stan exclaimed, for once in his life he was glad to see his sister, and by the looks of Kyle, Cartman and Kenny, they were glad as well.

"I wasn't talking to _you_ ," Shelly snapped at her little brother. She turned to face Tony. He was almost half a foot taller than she was, but that didn't intimidate her one bit.

"I hear you've been messing with Jew Turd here for a while," she gestured towards Kyle, who was expressionless.

"What's it to you, bitch?" Tony said, taking a step closer to Shelly.

Apparently that was the last straw as Shelly launched herself at him, attacking every body part of Tony McBrior that she knew would cause him pain.

Tony cried out as she kicked him repeatedly in the stomach, punched him several times in the face and other parts of his body, along with scratching him on the arms with her sharp nails before Stan decided Tony'd had enough and pulled his sister off the bully.

"Let that be a lesson to you, dipshit. Don't mess with my little brothers." Shelly kicked him once more before they left him lying on the snow covered ground in pain.

"Jesus Christ, Shelly... that was... how did you know?" Stan asked his sister, who started walking back to their house with Cartman, Kyle and Kenny as well.

"I heard you talking in the kitchen the other day," Shelly replied simply. "It wasn't hard to put two and two together."

"But...you hate us, why did you do that?" Kyle said to her.

Shelly looked at him, Kenny, Cartman and Stan each before saying, "Like I said. No one beats up my little bros but me."

Stan smiled at his sister. It made him incredibly happy to hear that she thought of his closest friends as her little brothers as well.

Then Kyle did something completely unexpected.  
He hugged Shelly Marsh.

"Thank you," Kyle said to her as he let go.

Shelly stared at him for a while, before she punched him on the arm, hard.

"Don't hug me again, you filthy Jew Turd! That was totally a one time thing I did for you back there," Shelly snapped at him through her headgear.

"You're all still a bunch of dipshit turds, no matter what."

Stan couldn't help but laugh.

In her own, evil, twisted way, she truly cared for them.

And Stan wouldn't change it for anything.


End file.
